…to think I was UGLY

In early college days, I was not confident with the way I look. Seeing mestiza girls and tall ones in school made me insecure sometimes. You see, I am a petite lady, standing only few inches more than five feet. Not too fair, not too dark in complexion and still not recognizable. Just an ordinary lass!

And worst, those were my acne years, too. I agonized every time zits appear. Adolescence, stress and school works made them grow in numbers. Consulting the derma helped, but still, if it’s time for it to pop up – just let it be.

That’s not all! I wished I had bigger eyes, my lips to have better shape that what I have, and not too wide fingernails which I got from my mother.

But beauty is not only about how you look, but how you feel about yourself. I realized I was not my parents’ problem when it comes to studies. Having good grades and performance in school which other girls would like to accomplish. I am an architect, who aims more and wants to do well with her career. Who would not be proud of that?

I figured out how beautiful I am inside and out. I can treat people well., learned to keep my feet on the ground and keep my values anywhere I go. My significant other said he loved me more for being responsible and well-mannered.

From then on, I’m beginning to like me, be comfortable with myself and be of who I am. Who wouldn’t want to have a well-proportioned body? I don’t get problems on adding more on my front and behind. I’m content the way my arms and legs are. And a collarbone and a shoulder that a boyfriend admires and I think the good features of being slim.

So what if I don’t get taller and appears to be mestiza and attractive? Big guys like cute girls anyway. And I’m done worrying with my pimples, too.

So what if my eyes are chinita? I am just simply Asian. Just straight lashes which matches my eyes.

So what if my lips’ shape don’t catch any man’s attention? At least, I speak kind words and smile a lot.

I like being myself. Smart and bubbly. Crazy and sexy. I’m driven. Focused. I overcome trials and obstacles. I am a woman of strength. Who says I’m ugly?

Being Happy

Happiness is the best facelift.

-Joni Mitchel

        Imagine how many muscles are used when you frown and only little muscles work when you smile. Being happy affects your whole self. No make up can be better and no time can make you age faster.

        I think, and many would agree, that if happiness can only be grasped, everyone will probably place it inside their pockets and bags. But you still can bring it with you. Your eyes reflect it. Your body shows it. Your heart feels it.

        Doctors state how happiness benefits every individual. When you are happy, it gives glow to your skin. Laugh and it lowers your blood pressure, increasing the amount of oxygen carried into your blood. It even helps your lungs by making you breathe more efficiently. And what it does to your anxiety level? It reduces tension and stress. It also helps the immune system and levels up antibodies.

        Happiness makes you and every person’s contentment, respect and love for your own self. No one dictates it. It is in you. It keeps you going. The more you age, the more should you bring happiness to life.

        A worry-free heart, a wrinkle-free face. You don’t need a facelift at all.

How I Like This Song’s Message

  A special friend shared this song's lyrics. This is Redemption's Sapphire. A song that plays for fifteen minutes. I give a thumbs up to the song writer.

    Wow! Nice message. Excellent actually. Not the usual songs that mention the word LOVE over and over again. Different but not (so) poetic and doesn't have 'what's-the-meaning?' words. Just read between the lines and you'll understand. Some phrases kind of struck me. Well, some - a situation in my life for more than a year ago. I remembered his words…from the first few lines of the song. Just glad that what happened didn't turned out to be what is in the end part of the lyrics. Glad it never fade…

    Sapphire

The road I've walked for my whole life
Has brought me to this crossroads
And I'm standing here beside you
I know you've never been someone
To take things on a leap of faith
Please trust me once and never cry again
Hold my had
We can take this slowly
And see where it might lead
Going Into Going Into You
And everything seemed to make sense
The first time that things seemed to fall in place
Just for a little while
And now my hopes and dreams are burning down
Claw out my eyes
I'd rather be blind
Than to see you turn around
And walk away from me
Tear off my ears
I'd rather be deaf
Than hear you
Saying goodbye
Lucky ones will never
Share what we've shared
For I'm damned to know
Exactly just what might have been
Can't somebody stop this?
I feel like I'm drowning
And everywhere I turn the water's deeper
It would tear out my heart
To be nothing more to you
Than a smile that occasionally
Crosses your face
Twenty five years from now
What will we have?
A pile of ash called
What could have been?
Treasures can slip through your fingertips
And sapphires melt in your hands
As I gaze in your jaded eyes
I pray that this road isn't ending
Walking down this road
I thought I felt you hold my hand
But looking I can see my palm is empty
How can you turn from me?
All that I wanted
Was to catch the stars and lay them at your feet
It would tear out my heart
To be nothing more to you
Than a smile that occasionally
Crosses your face
Treasures can slip through your fingertips
And sapphires melt in your hands
You turn to me with your jaded eyes
And I'm scared that I know how this ends
And everything fell into place
But now it is falling apart
I'm trying to hold on
But I can see you fading
Be quick-Or you've missed it
Sometimes when our backs are turned the choice is made
Once-In a lifetime
If you didn't see it coming then you're much too late
This self constructed prison
Is comfortable and warm
But I can't escape the feeling
That-there must be something more
Everyting we've been through
That's made us who we are
Has broughtus here and now the choice is ours to make
I'm begging you
I'm pleading on my knees
I can't believe that this was just a big mistake
From Jeweled Gemstone Memories
To Jaded Guarded Energies
To Just Gentle Victory
I know we could last
Tell me what I've got to do,
Tell me what I've got to do,
To Get Inside Get Inside your heart
Where did we go
When there are no more conspiracies?
When there's only you and only me
Seeing each other for the first time?
I pledge myself
If you stumble I will carry you
And wipe away the tears if you will mine
And I'm holding out for a miracle
But I'm scared to let go of the bird in my hand
And afraid taht I've run out of time for a second chance
I want to drown myself in your eyes
I want to believe but I'm scared that you're lying
Tell me there's hope for the ghost of a second chance
Chances are meant
Meant to be taken
But life's so fragile
And it's breaking into pieces
Somebody help me
I feel like I'm dying
And I'm reaching for your hand
But it's not there
And I pray we won't know
What we're missing
And we'll never imagine
What might have been
But twenty five years from now
I'll still hold on
To a fading dream
Of me and you
Treasures have slipped through my fingertips
And the sapphire vanished from my hand
I'll never forget the look in your eyes
When you lied and said this wasn't ending
Treasures have slipped through my fingrtips a
And the sapphire vanished from my hand
I say goodbye to your jaded eyes
As we reach our unnatural end.

Go. Touch Yourself!

I support the Breast Cancer Awareness posted on deviantart last week, and so I'd like to spread the news. Some women are shy and are not concerned of this issue. There are lots of good articles and blogs written about women's health and such. To add to these, here's the news on deviantart. I support the week's campaign on fighting breast cancer. A do-it-yourself examination, as a matter of fact.

Touching Yourself: All You Needed To Know

As I'm sure you're aware, breast cancer is the most diagnosed form of cancer amongst women: it can also be one of the most deadliest if untreated and undected. So, here's advice on how you can check yourself out. Touch yourself: it might just be the best touch you ever got.

The Visual Examination

Stand in front of a mirror with your arms hanging loosely by your side. Have a good inspect of your bewbs: is there anything different about them? Any puckering or dimpling? Are the nippes inverted when they shouldn't be? Is there a noticable change in the size and texture (NB: it is not adivsable to carry this check out immediately before, during or after your period as breast size can change during this time)? Are there any lumps visible? Once you've answered these questions to your satisfaction, it's time to move on to the physical examination!

The Physical Examination: The Clock Method

Lie down on your back with your left hand resting comfortably behind your head. Imagine your left breast is a clock and rest your index, middle and fourth finger where the 12 would be, right at the top of the breast. Gently massage your fingers around, checking for lumps or bumps. Once you've complete a full clock, move your fingers closer to the nipple and repeat the process. Carry on until you have reached your nipple. It's important to check your nipple for discharge, so give it a good squeeze at positions 12 and 6, 3 and 9 o'clook.

Remember to check both the area around your breast and the lymph nodes under your arms for any changes

The Physical Examination: The Wedge Method

Imagine your breasts are pies divided into equal segments (note: coating your breasts in pie filling does help the imagination, but does not aid in the examination). Lie down on your back and place your left hand behind your head. Using your right hand, take the index, middle and fourth finger and massage each segment gently from the top of the breast to the nipple, again checking for any lumps or bumps.

Remember to test the nipples for discharge and the surrounding skin and lymph nodes.

The Physical Examination: The Sweeping Method

This method is for those who find the two suggested above difficult or uncomfortable. Starting from your collarbone and working in a clockwise direction, press your index, middle and fourth finger along the skin, passing the lymph nodes on the way to the nipple.

Don't forget those nipples!

I think I've found a lump, what do I do?

Do not panic! It is very important to remember that a lot of lumps turn out to be banine tumours or totally non cancer related problems. Breast infections are not uncommon, and can manifest themselves in many forms.

If you are at all concerned though, or simply would like a professional to conduct a breast exam on you, do not hesitate to contact your doctor or GP. It is, after all, better to be safe than sorry.